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[25 Sep 2008|02:22pm] |
n life our feet fall upon a road,
some roads twist,
some are a confused mess,
others are simply straight and uncrooked.
But no matter how fast your feet travel down the road,
Never forget to look behind you
and treasure the distance wandered.
If you loose sight of what you've done,
the possibility that one will simply forget, remains valid.
Always remember how you've gotten to the spot you now stand in.
As you look back,
Don't forget to view the ground below and remember,
that there's not one set of foot prints but two.
But a word for the wise,
Don't waste time staring at your traversed ground,
No, do not, for this is the height of folly,
do not long for the things of the past.
Instead, hold your head high,
With eyes straight forward,
Allow your feet to move in search of views you've yet to see.
Do not forget to appreciate all you see as you pass it,
hold it in your heart.
Never let it go, for each step taken is a part of your journey.
A journey that never really ends, but stretches and grows before you.
Keep your steps sure,
Your heart pure,
And your eyes fixed ahead,
Friends?
Travel on.
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[04 Aug 2008|10:47pm] |
UPDATES
The book, so i feel that's all i update on but... it's a prevelant part of my life right now, and i'm trying to get as much done as i can, because when school starts i'll be working 30 hours a week and going to school full time. *sigh* it makes me exhausted just to think of it. ANYWHO.
So Val is being val, and i actually have had a hard time sleeping because the possible plot lines keep flowing through my head. I actually have gotten up at least once every night for the last week to write some of it down... I have missed actually WRITING the book to be honest. Lately it's been all about the revision. I re-wrote about 3 chapters, for flowing sake. I just finished the first chapter. Er... lemme see, oh right. We changed the name of Val's brother, to Conall. I can't decided if i want to nickname him Al, or just leave it alone. We also changed the name of the family name. It was orginally Dunbar, but we changed it to Vadas. Which coincidentally is the name of the book, the other three are going to flow from that so that the titles themselves tell a short story. hmmm...
so far my favorite thing about this book is Valerie and Jay, their relationship is so fiery and splendid, i simply love writing them. Though, i must admit i have kind of modeled him after my ideal guy. *wiggles eyebrows* hhhaa, so this is a scene i wrote... hmm about 2 days ago..ENJOY.
I was currently snuggled next to my vampire husband. Who was humming with his eyes closed looking entirely too blissful for his own good. I wondered where my clothes had gotten to. I tried to remember last night. But as usual I tended forget what I was about after I started kissing Jay. I took the sheet with me, though the silk sheet was lovely, I could not continue to walk around the house in a sheet. I had been in our room when he had come home this morning from work, when well things had gotten out of hand. Blast, the stupid vampire, had probably hidden them from me again. I got out of bed and glared at him. ‘Really Val, a sheet? We are married; I don’t think modesty really is an issue anymore.’ I tied the sheet so I could put my hands on my hips, so that I could glare more effectively. “Blasted man, where are my clothes.’ He grinned mysteriously ‘well I dunno sweetie, where did you last see them.’ I sighed and rubbed my temples, ‘Jay…’ It was a warning. If the man was thick enough not to heed my warning then I shouldn’t feel too guilty about what I was about to do to the poor guy. I let a smile spread across my face, his smile was suddenly gone. A few nights ago, he had let information slip. Which I was about to take full advantage of. On accident he had told me, that I had power over him. He began to look at me suspiciously ‘Jayden…’ I walked real slowly towards him sat next to him on the bed, I maneuvered myself that I wasn’t on top of him but I was close, ‘Jay, where are my clothes lover?’ He continued to stone wall me. I kissed him soundly “Jayden where did you put my clothes?’ His eyes became unfocused, ‘I … uh…’ his voice cracked. I kissed him again. ‘Honey, where are my clothes?’ he heaved a resigned sigh ‘I threw them under the couch.’ I clapped my hands together ‘excellent!’ I used my gift to call them to me so I wouldn’t have to give him to gratification see me scrambling on the floor. As I got dressed he said ‘this is a game I am no longer going to win is it?’ I ran up to him. Kissed his cheek and said ‘Afraid not.’ I smiled and whirled out of the room.
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[16 May 2008|09:44pm] |
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mood |
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 exhausted |
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i feel like i'm doing what i ought to, yet i've never felt so lost, i can't even write stuff for my book, so i've gone to doing what i do, painting being messy and writing emo stuff..
Silence echoes about the house,
A face both beautiful and tortured,
Hides behind a pane of glass,
She seems happy, but sorrow touches her face.
She smiles, but silent tears stream down her face,
She gently leans forward, as though to reach through the glass,
As though searching for a bit of respite,
Her fingers touch naught but the glass,
She gently rests her forehead against the frame.
And quite suddenly she begins to change,
Suddenly she’s not so beautiful anymore,
Her features change,
Her eyes become angry, her smile distorted.
She slams, bangs and rages against the glass for escape,
She silently screams inside the glass,
Praying it will crack, hoping some magic will make it change,
Loosing hope,
I once again step away from the mirror.
The appartment is wonderful, my room mates, better than i could have dreamed.
Yet i feel lost.
Not right, off center unbalanced.
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| .. |
[12 Mar 2008|09:55pm] |
I leave soon to spend the next 10 days, in italy and england.
Me= exstatic.
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| Beauty. |
[06 Mar 2008|10:45pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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uncomfortable |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Kina Grannis-Some Days |
] |
Beauty.
So i know i know 2 post's in one day.. a bit excessive.. but it's important i swear.
So someone told me earlier this week, that i was gorgeous... which i dind't take for much.
But today, without makeup, in jeans and a t-shirt, someone told me i was beautiful.
I honestly asked myself the question internally of course.
I ask myself, really? am i?
Like i had to ask that question.
It makes me mad, that i can't except that maybe i'm not just okay looking maybe i am beautiful. The word for me, is not just a word. Beauty to me, means not just beautiful in appearence but in spirit, so someone thought i was quite pleasing inward and out. Something inside me sang a little. I'm thinking that maybe, all of this.. is finally going somewhere.. all the drawing, writing and postive community. I'm thinking maybe people really can change. If i'm able to look in the mirror, in a tshirt and jeans without makeup and glasses. And just stare at myself, and find myself worth in me. Not in my weight size, not in how low or tight of clothes i'm wearing. Not in the amount of make-up is caked across my features. Not whom i'm dating or not dating. just look into that mirror, and be able to without laughing or groaning. Honestly believe i am beautiful. i can look like show stopper but look in the mirror, and my emotional state makes me feel like the ugliest girl in the room. Is this something that because of the things i've gone through exists in me? Is this something all girl's deal with? or is this something that society has created in me. Really i can't say. I just want to feel beautiful. Not have people tell me i am, and say thank you but not honestly believe them.
Why can't we just be women, Be beautiful, feel beautiful and know we are beautiful?
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| This year |
[05 Mar 2008|01:52pm] |
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mood |
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 calm |
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As seriously it's been THAT LONG.
um, went back to the boy i shouldn't have.
and it was one of the happiest times of my life.
I'm tired of games, and i just... somehow can't stop
myself from looking at the phonebook and wanting to call,
i want to pretend like it doesn't matter none of it.
But then i'd be lying and i'd hurt him more than i already have.
Why am i so terrible at this?
Lame.
On the upp and up dad's still a jerk.
Mom's rocking things.
Brother's are stellar.
Ruth's like engaged.
erm... NAU in the fall.
Daniel's like totally a goner, on this amazing chika.
Jessica and Alan are at that forever point as well.
Joanna and Paul are engaged.
And here i sit.
totally single, and probally still in love with the one i can't have.
bah, whatever.
But music makes the heart happy.
Fav's.
VINYL:
Beatles::Fantasia sound track.
Cd::
Dear Juliet.
The Fray.
Jesus, keeps popping up in the most unexpected places.. i looove it.
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[21 Apr 2007|04:39pm] |
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people on shrooms equals the funniest shit ever.
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[16 Apr 2007|10:29pm] |
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i am so annoyed with myself right now.
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[11 Mar 2007|01:29pm] |
i've branched out.
i now have a blog spot.
:]] and it is pretty fantabolous.
well.. i ALOT ALOT ALOT of laundry to do..before i go to work..
woop for being a hostess.
at least i won't be there till like 10 cleaning.
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[09 Mar 2007|01:56am] |
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mood |
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melancholy |
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music |
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come right out and say it--relient k |
] |
i am in desperate need of just a really great party.
yeeeep.
my life is far to deep and complicated.
recap.
Dad left.
mom wants me to go to counseling for being verbally abused for 2 years by said father.
dad drinks to much.
me...feels weighed down by all my family issues.
thinks dad is physco.
thinks mom have been raped.
brothers need more emotional help than i can give.
like i said.
i am in need of a good fun time.. possible drunkenees.. just because.
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| bumbum bum. |
[20 Feb 2007|05:11pm] |
Life sucks as of late.
i tried to cute theater/acting out of mylife this year.. and i've realized i can't do it.
i love it far to much.
hollywood maybe?
with some modleing on the side.
Boys are idiots.
Father's are meant to let you down..
and i'm juust who i am.
Damn, i sound emo.
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[13 Jan 2007|10:10pm] |
here i sit.
and knowing what i know now.
i can't help but feel irresitably stupid.
This break has been amazing. i have felt the queen of the world at times.
And other's i've felt like a squashed tomato oozing all my life out until i was just a shell of nice normal thing i once was.
the beggings were full of smiles and giggling and tickling on the floor when i would smile up at you because the joy in my heart was so great there was no way else to express it.
But then i the realizations i have now.
I feel heart broken. I know i wasn't in love with you.
But my heart is still crushed.
Even after i said i wouldn't i did.
and now im exasperated.
Because everypone has their acheilous heal.
And you sir are mine.
And i hate and love you for it.
i really need to not do it AGAIN.
i really need to attempt to stand on my own to feet.
but legs are wobbling and i feel like i just might fall over.
and i know if i do you'll be there to catch me.
But when you catch me it's going to hurt because you'll only be there long enough to help me back up before you leave.
I need to move on.
But how do yuo move on, when there is nobody to move onto?
:[[
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[29 Dec 2006|09:52pm] |
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music |
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angels and airwaves-adventure |
] |
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[23 Dec 2006|04:41pm] |
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'I'm only human, and THAT is MY saving grace.'
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[17 Dec 2006|01:35am] |
im so overwhelmed.
awesome last couple of days with dan.
craziness is giong on right now i have to keep repeating.
Breathe just Breathe
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[14 Dec 2006|03:09pm] |
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music |
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kara kelly-idenity |
] |
Kara Kelly: Idenity
this really really represents where im at in my life.
i've wasted all these years drowning in my own fears id hide behind the mask i'd made but it wasn't worth the price i paid feeling so empty im changing my idenity to the person inside the person i was meant to be is finally coming alive. it's easier said than done i feel like im juged by everyone i know it may seem overwhelming but i refuse to hide and those who truly love me love me for who i am inside im changing my idenity to who i am inside the person i was meant to be is finally coming alive. im changing my idenity to who i am inside the person i was meant to be is finally coming alive. oh the girl behind the mask is no longer a slave the emptyiness the lonliness and shame the girl behind the mask is no longer a slave to: the emptyiness the lonliness and shame im changing my idenity to who i am inside the person i was meant to be is finally coming alive. Alive
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| MIHGUG&T^#%^$@! |
[12 Dec 2006|06:36pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 cynical |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Secondhand Seranade--Broken |
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That is what i have to say about that.
Boys are Bastards..
The end.
I guess i owe you a slight elaboration.
They have no business, squeezing secrets smiles out of me.
Nor do they have any business giving me kisses that make me want to melt into a puddle on the floor.
Also, they have no business making my stomach flutter when they grab my waist.
i promised.
I PROMISED MYSELF DAMMNIT!
I promised i wouldn't do this, with you AGAIN.
SO i won't im going to deny myself your delectable kisses, because i NEED to move on.
Thanks for listening LJ.
Ah, that felt good.
Also, i hate my parents.
annd im about to have curfew.. i forgot to tell my mom where i was at..
and now she's REALLY REALLY pisssed... like so mad she won't even answer me..
i thought i was doing so good this year.
Guess not.
p.s schools' over.. WOOT.
before any elation could set in.
Real life kicked it's way into view.
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[08 Dec 2006|10:08am] |
| [ |
mood |
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ecstatic |
] |
| [ |
music |
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diary of jane (acoustic)-Breaking Benjamin |
] |
ahaha.
School's over.
Let the parties begin.
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[05 Dec 2006|10:14pm] |
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I'm so overwhelmed
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